i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
