I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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