I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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