we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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