I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
