I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
