Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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