I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I am one with the molecules
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
