hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
