JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
