I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
