I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
