Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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