I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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