just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
