She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
