.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
