saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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