Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
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