do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
