yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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