Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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