You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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