Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
