kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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