what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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