break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
