somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
