The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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