u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize