I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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