is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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