I am in a vortex of obligation.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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