I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
