mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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