discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
