How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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