Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize