Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize