i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize