FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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