i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
