is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
