She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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