if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
