Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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