This girl is more easily done than said...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
