somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
This is my gift to your gina
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
