Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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