whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
