he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
