I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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