You work out of a Hotel?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Randomize
