One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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