dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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