Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
