12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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