When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
