Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
