Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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