guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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