My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
my poor anus
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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