just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
