it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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