Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
