Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
