office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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