Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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