you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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