this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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