Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
