In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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