Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
