Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
