I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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