We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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