You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
